Illnesses bring home how precarious life can be

We found out a few weeks ago that my grandfather (who has been sick for a while) was getting worse. Eric and I took the kids and had lunch with them 2 weeks ago and he was losing the use of his right arm. A week ago, we had dinner with them for Meg’s birthday and he was starting to feel a weekness in his right leg.

Over the past few months he has begun falling, and has been having headaches and just plain weak spells. When my parents went to Alaska he fell a couple times.

My parents took him for a CT on wednesday of this week. By the time they got home from the doctor, they had a message to come back today (Friday) at 10 a.m. for the results. We knew that it couldn’t be good news…. we really did.

My mom called me at a little after noon to tell me that what they found was significant. They found a golfball size malignant brain tumor on the left side of his brain.

They mentioned several “options” to them. A biopsy was mentioned… ok… that sounds very painful and invasive… are we really going to let them cut open his head and take out a chunk just so that they can say…”yep, its a malignant tumor… surgery would kill you”. They also mentioned radiation therapy… do we really want to have them strap him to a table and wear a Hannibal mask while they shoot radiation through his head? This is a 90 year old man!! They also mentioned hospice.

I do not like any of the alternatives. I really want to say, “nope, this isn’t happening to my grandfather” and just be done with it. I want to not only be in total complete denial, I want it to just go away.

My grandfather is one of the greatest men I have ever known. I honestly feel honored to be his relative, to have known him and to be loved by him. My grandfather has always been one of my biggest fans. I feel an obligation to fight for him in this. I feel the need to stand up for his rights, to fight for what I know (were he in his right mind) he would want. He would not want surgery. He would not want radiation. He would want to go as peacefully as possible, home to his father. He is the last survivor among all his siblings. He is one of the last survivors among his circle of friends.

I almost feel that to give him treatment at this point would be trying to keep him around for us. For those of us who love him. In saying that I am also very sad. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to just give up and walk away. I don’t want to say, nice knowing you… but I give up. I love him. I want him to be with us always. I do not want him to suffer.

Keep our family in your prayers.

Tired, so tired

I am exhausted. The slumber party was a huge success… lots of happy little girls!! That does equate though to one tired mommy!!

I am still loving life… work couldn’t get any better, my marriage is what fairytales should be based upon. Life is great. I am even going to start graduate school in January!! How many of you have heard me fussing for years about wanting to that and now being able to.

I give credit where it is due… Eric and being married to him has given me the strength and passion to pursue not only my dream job, but to start school. My friends and my family have stood by me when many others would walk away!!

Thanks guys for being so great!

A night of fun????

Tonight we are about 3 hours into Meg’s famous birthday sleepover bash. Usually we invite about ten girls and maybe 3 or 4 show up. Her parties have become so famous that this year we have 8 girls here. That is pretty scary for us. We are into our little family, and rarely invite others over.

I am just thankful to have Katheryn, our party hostess down there with them. She loves being “in charge” of the party, and knows the rules they must follow. We actually have to do very little to make the party be a huge success.

The girls (and myself) just through giving ourselves facials, and I do have to admit that it felt pretty good. Now they are down stairs giving each other manicures. Eric and I have retired to our bedroom while Jordan is holed up in his room. Sam is in the bed with us, his favorite place actually. He is feeling pretty left out of the party, he isn’t allowed in around the girls. One of the girls has a rare bone disease that makes her bones very brittle and easily broken, so we are trying to keep the large puppy from knocking her down.

We are going to listen closely and just watch t.v. and chill.

Wish us luck as we continue our night of slumber party fun (?)

More of my drivel…

I haven’t been blogging much, but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t been thinking about my people. I think of my friends and my family a lot these days, but just have been too busy to do anything about it. That isn’t likely to change with the children going 3 different directions and Eric and I staying so busy with our jobs and other “life stuff”.

I have been so tired lately, I guess that I am just getting old and can’t keep up the pace that I used to. Last night Katheryn didn’t get home until around 1:30 a.m. from her marching festival and I couldn’t drag myself out of bed for church. I slept until after 11 a.m. That just isn’t like me. The kids and Eric also slept that late too. It was a late rising day at the Beavers’ house.

The band competition yesterday was amazing. Eric and I dropped Katheryn off yesterday and headed out. We drove past Canton, GA (where the competition was) and headed for Atlanta. Eric wanted to introduce me to something I had never experienced before… we went to the Apple Store. The new laptops are out and are very cool. I enjoyed looking at all the cool Mac stuff, even if I did leave a little depressed. I would love to pull out my check book and buy my sweet husband one of everything his heart desires. Not because I feel like I have to buy his love, but because I love to give him things that make him smile. (Back to the band competition) Eric and I arrived at the competition in time to see the band pull out of the stands, and see our lovely princess. I noticed that three of our band members were on crutches, but heading out with everyone else. Others in the crowd watching this were making rude comments about “what do they do to their band members” or “I wouldn’t let my kid risk making it worse to come to a band event”. I smiled. I understand.

As a high school senior I marched my whole season with a hurt knee. The doctors wanted to do surgery, but I refused to miss even one game, let alone the competitions that make all the hard work worth while. I looked at those three injured kids and I knew their hearts. I haven’t been really sure about the choice of band director for our fledgling program until that moment. At that moment, I realized that their director has sewn in these kids the seeds of love. Love for each other, love for marching band and love for him. If you have never loved something so much that you would push yourself physically to the very end, you can’t understand. I realized yesterday that we are very lucky to have this man working with our kids. He didn’t force them to march injured, he left it up to them. They chose to participate.

When the Legion of Generals took the field, I was concerned. The crowd had not been into the previous performances. They were talking and laughing and having fun… but were not really “getting” the shows. I am a purist when it comes to marching band (I know, what a totally nerd comment!), and I feel that the show show evoke emotion. I feel that you should be moved by the music, the drill…. the overall power of the band. Marching band is still music, and you should feel it. When our kids stepped onto the field, they were following a band that did a show using 50’s music. This in itself to me, is weird. The color guard wore poodle skirts, as did the drum major. To me, that is not marching band.. that is outdoor theater (I said I was weird about marching bands, right?). The crowd had enjoyed the show, it was entertaining…. but they were not moved by it. I was getting worried… I like to see a crowd connect with the band and clap and cheer spontaneously.

The moment came when the kids lined up and walked to their places. They stood at attention and waited to be announced. The show began, and our show begins with a beautiful melodic piece and the drill is very cool. The coolest thing happened…. the crowd started reacting…. they were saying things like “did you see that” and “wow, that is so cool!”. The band begins facing the backfield and as one they turn to the front… and you can feel the emotion. The crowd in the stands actually stood and in that moment they bought in to what we are doing.

When the results came in around mid night last night, our Generals came home with superior rating in all categories and came home with best in class. I am so proud of these kids. This is the first year our high school has been open… our band consists of mainly rookie band members, and no seniors. Those kids have worked so hard and I am so proud of them all. This is a link to their show…

http://www.heritagehsband.com/files/Mid-South_Festival.wmv

Meg will be 11 on Wednesday. This week we are having a family party for her and then she is having a sleep over for her next weekend. I can’t believe that she is 11. I realized this week too that in a few short months she will be participating in 5th grade graduation. My babies are growing up. Next year, Katheryn will be in high school. Meg will be in middle school. Jordan will begin his last year at the elementary school. Wow! Where did the years go?

Chillin

Eric and I have been as busy as ever…. just living our lives.

I am loving my new job more every day. I finally feel that I am in the position and place that I am supposed to be. I feel appreciated for my intelligence, my dedication and well… just for me.

I know that as with every job out there…. there will be rough days and there will be bad days… but I do feel better about my job and position than I ever have before.

I got to go today to see my friend Jason’s baby. I got to hold her …. and oooh and aaah over her. I went there feeling like I am the old lady at the office, the one who would love to have a baby… but just can’t. I left there, absolutely in love with that baby.. but so glad that my kids aren’t that age. While the thought of having a baby… a child that is me and Eric… sounds so cool… oh my goodness I can’t imagine starting over.

I can’t imagine having a child that I have to feed and bath and rock to sleep. I can’t imagine being that tied down again. I know… I know… that sounds so terrible. I don’t mean to belittle parenting, I love my kids. I am just really glad that I have my kids and that they are at the ages where they are becoming their own people.

Eric was worried with me going to see that baby. I have been talking about them a lot lately, and I think that he was concerned that I would really get the bug going to see a real, live, tiny baby. What he doesn’t realize (and I am sure some of you reading this will remember how I feel about babies from when my kids were little) is that I am not a baby fan.

I called Meg “my little lump” when she was a newborn. I made comments openly about how babies just lay there…..

Overall, I am just fussing with you guys about how much I don’t want anymore kids. I feel that for the first time in 13 years I can go to the bathroom without worrying if someone will need me while I am in there.

Our life is amazing and I am so happy that we are at the stage of life that we are in.

LIFE

I am at work, on my lunch break and have my laptop handy…. so I thought that I would take a minute and catch everyone up. Life is busy. Life is great.

Kat had a football game friday night, as usual the band was great… but the football team lost. Meg cheered on Saturday… she was great. Her friend Hannah fell and had to leave early so that was sad. Eric and I are putting together a book of pictures from this season for the girls, so Eric took around 300 pictures just Saturday. We stopped by Sams on the way home and then spent the rest of the day “chillin” around the house. I got the pictures edited and then worked on the book for the girls. It is just about done. We have a game next Saturday and I hope to get it finished by then so that we can place the order. I really think that it is going to turn out great!

Sunday we went to church, and then home to work on laundry… housework…. other stuff that had to be done. Eric even “worked” a little on stuff for work!

The kids are on fall break this week, so I left them at home to rest and then hang out with my parents. I heard a rumor that they are at the river walk in Chattanooga… wish I was there!!

I better get back to work, I have a busy afternoon!!

I am so excited!

The band directors at Heritage High School created a media page and posted the show from Mid-South marching festival!!

Here is the link…..

http://www.heritagehsband.com/files/Mid-South_Festival.wmv