Happy Thanksgiving?

I know that Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful…. and I am trying. Yesterday we took my Grandfather to the doctor and the decision was made to call in Hospice.

That is a tough call for all of us, and we are all struggling with it.

My plan for today, is to get through it. I keep thinking of all the things that Grandad will never do again. Simple things that we all take for granted…. things like going out to eat, going to church, heck even going to WalMart. These thoughts make me sad.

I am trying to channel my thoughts to things like… I am thankful that we have had him this long, and thankful that my kids have had this many years with this amazing man. So far, the sad is far outweighing the happy thoughts.

Everyone knows that I do not cook, well I don’t cook often…. today I am making a potato dish for our lunch. In typical Julie fashion I didn’t think about what I needed to go in it until this morning. I am missing several key ingredients (one being enough potatoes) so Eric has headed out to pick up some last minute stuff before I get started. I am just hoping that it is edible!!

Another week has ended

I know that my blogging is getting fewer and farther between. For that, I am sorry. I am not sorry that it is because my life is going so well.

I love work. I am getting more involved with church. I am basically living the life that I have always dreamed of.

I joined the orchestra at church this week, I am playing bass clarinet, which I love. I also joined the choir. Katheryn is singing in the choir with me, and we are enjoying each other.

Work is fun. Work is challenging. I really enjoy being back in non-profit management. I like working with young professionals and helping teach them how to grow to their potential.

I am looking forward to this weekend. I have been working a ton of hours lately, and I am tired. I hope that I end up not doing work this weekend. My problem is that I truly love what I am doing, and I tend to be a work a holic. At the office I am learning so much that I come home and do research so that I can do my job better. I think that really shows when you have reached career maturity.

Katheryn is spending the night with a friend tonight and going to see the movie Twilight. Jordan is at a sleepover birthday party for his friend Christian. Meagan is home with us. Eric cooked her spaghetti (her favorite meal), so she is happy. She came home today from school and spent the afternoon here alone. She cleaned the house for us. Eric teased her and asked if we had been robbed. I love seeing the light in her eyes from knowing how much her daddy loves her.

I am going to get off this machine and get back to reality. For the first time in my life I feel that all is right with this universe. I cherish that.

Doctors, church and few other things thrown in…

We started back to Wednesday night church tonight as a family. The kids were excited about choir and RA’s and GA’s, and Katheryn was all about going to youth group (she even took her buddy Kailib). Eric and I went to the church service, and then I stayed for choir practice. I am not sure that I am going to be able to do choir, but I am thinking about playing in the orchestra (they get done when church gets out, but choir stays an hour later). I looked forward to it all day, and I have even changed my work schedule so that I get off at 4:30 on Wednesdays so that we can be on time. I am really enjoying this getting back into church thing…. it has been too long. For so long I associated going to with being married to Jeff. I am glad that we are making new happy family moments!!

My grandfather had the first in a series of doctors appointments today that are designed to help him determine how to treat his latest illness. He was diagnosed a couple weeks ago with a malignant brain tumor. I am not sure how they know it is malignant, but the doctors all seem to agree that it is.

Today they met with a doctor to discuss the possibility of radiation therapy. This doctor is of the opinion that without a biopsy, doing radiation would be pointless. He also voiced that he did not feel that Grandad would live through a biopsy or surgery to remove the tumor, again just his opinion. He stated that even if they could remove the tumor and treat it with radiation, it might buy him a year.

When I think about that, I wonder… what quality of life would he have during that year (if he lived through the surgery)? Would he be sick, and healing for most of it? My gut feeling tells me that yes, he would be alive but he would never really recover.

Without surgery or radiation, just a strong dose of medicine to help with swelling this same doctor stated that he might have four months. When asked about pain level, he stated that toward the end there would be a lot of pain, but by then he would be in a coma.

So, we are looking at a year with surgery and radiation…. and healing and pain or possibly four months that end in a coma and death.

Either way, the prognosis is bad. It is pretty much what I feared it would be. Tomorrow my parents will take him to see the neurosurgeon who will tell them if considering a biopsy is even an option.

Keep all of us in your prayers, this is going to be a hard decision and a hard few months. The doctor today mentioned hospice more that he mentioned treatments. We all pretty much know what road we are heading down, and even though it seems to be inevitable I don’t have to like it!!

Big News!!

I know, I know… I should be working and not blogging…but this news just couldn’t wait until tonight.

Today (just a minute ago, actually), I got my acceptance letter into graduate school. I am so excited. I will start school in January. I will be working toward a Master of Education in Educational Leadership.

When I graduated with my Bachelor degree, I swore that I was done with school… FOREVER!! I have always wanted to work on my masters but I have always felt like I couldn’t do it. My new job has breathed new life into this dream. I want it now more than ever. I’m pretty sure that it has something to do with all these smart, educated people having faith in me. I am starting to have faith in me again.

My life got me off track for a while. For a long time I was told that I was basically dirt. That I couldn’t achieve that things in life that I used to think that I was capable of achieving. I was told that if I ever bailed out on that marriage, I would be alone. I was told that not only would no one want me… this jerk said that no one would want my children. I was told for years that I should not look for a job, because who would want me.

A few years ago, I made the hardest choice. I stood up to my personal boogie man. I stood up to my worst nightmare. You know what? My worst fears were realized that night. He almost killed me, I went to the hospital in an ambulance, I almost lost my kids (to DFCS), and the worse thing (haha) everyone found out what my life had become.

Today, I am sitting here in my nice… big…. wonderful office looking back at the last 13 years. The worse night of my life has somehow turned into a portal. That portal has opened me up to a new life. I have an amazing husband who loves me. He has never once told me that I can’t do something, or that I am not capable of doing anything. I have great kids, who are healing. I have a wonderful support system and an amazing job… and at 36 I am starting out on an amazing new adventure.

Life… my life is great. I am sad that my grandfather is sick… I will always be sad about that. When his time comes that he moves on to heaven, I will be devastated. There is no other way to put it. I considered putting off school until I don’t have that stress in my life. My grandpa would not want that. I want him to know that I am working toward something amazing.

Anyway, I have to get back to work. I just wanted to share with you guys, my friends… something cool and amazing going on in my life.

It’s been a while… I know!

I am not blogging much these days. I have been busy with life and work, and blogging has really taken a back seat.

I miss writing. I miss the act of putting my words and thoughts down, it is a very cleansing process for me.

I am still absolutely loving my job. I actually think that I like it more every day. I found out early this week that I might be able to hire a part time person to help me. I spoke with my boss, and we decided to hire my mother. I am pretty excited about this. Usually when you are hire someone for 25 hours a week, you do not get the experience or expertise that my mom brings to the table.

Some might find it weird to hire my mom, but you know what… we could look for a month and not find anyone more qualified. Anyone who knows my family knows that my mom is great and that she is going to be an asset to my department.