Remembering on Memorial Day Weekend

A busy life is what we have. A life with 3 kids still living at home and 2 full time jobs. We have band and baseball and cheer leading. We have grocery shopping, homework and laundry. Life has a way of tiring me out and making me tense.

These last 5 months since my Grandfather’s death have been especially hard for me. I am not sure why. I loved him, of course… but over the last few years he had turned into someone that I didn’t recognize. He has been gone for a long time. Why do the smallest things stress me out these days? I’m not sure. I may never be sure.

This weekend has been wonderful. Eric and I have done much more than watch movies, buy groceries and just be together. I have really needed this.

Tomorrow is a bonus day. We are off, all of us. I am looking forward to one more day of just resting. I hope that puts me back on track for my life. Lately, I have trouble finding joy in anything. I am not saying that I am not happy… I am. My life is better than it has ever been. I am so in love with my husband, there are no words to explain. I am heartsick. I miss my Grandfather. I know that as time continues to pass, I will feel better. I will heal. Part of me though, is afraid of this. I don’t want to heal, healing means that you forget. I don’t want to forget him.

I guess that with Memorial Day weekend, I am using that time to focus and find my center. I hope that I get there soon, because I am tired of the pain.

Bad News Bears

Jordan played baseball this year, something that he didn’t want to do last year. Baseball always had been something that he and Jeff had done together…. so I didn’t push it when he wanted to “stop” for a while. My brother decided to coach his son’s team this year and invited Jordan to be on his team. Jordan was excited.

You have to understand the difference in my son and Jamie’s son…. Blane is tall for his age while Jordan is very small for his age. Both of these “issues” can be difficult on a child. Jordan is self conscious to the point of being a hermit at times. Blane is expected to act older than he is … because he “looks the part”. So, while being 3 months apart in age…. at times they seem a world apart. Each of the boys are great athletes, and each love sports. Both of our boys are going to play allstars. Each of them bring their own unique talents with them.

Anyway, back to the team. We had several little boys that were very young and several that had never played before. What amazes me is how far they can come and how much they can learn in a season. The league is for 9 and 10 year olds. We even had a herd of older siblings who took turns having dugout duty. Our team, the boys and the parents really bonded during this season.

These boys were not the “pick of the litter”. When they got onto the baseball field that first night, everyone knew they bad…. I think even them.

My brother was not discouraged. He bragged on them. He nurtured them. He believed in them. We started our season and we had just enough kids to play, and then we lost one kid. We had one boy whose mother wouldn’t let him play after 7:30 pm. We ended up having to borrow players from other teams just about every game. Our kids were having fun, but I know that they were missing that feeling you get when you win. The coaches encouraged them… sometimes to the point that it was scary. When we lost (which we did often) it was bad… bad to the point where after one game one of the boys ran onto the field after the game and was EXCITED, someone asked why and he replied “because we only lost by 9!”

Every game when we finished, we had a team meeting, and the coaches gave out a game ball. The “bad stuff” was never talked about, but they focused on the good. They praised the effort… even when it turned out bad….. stuff like “man that was great the way you dove for the ball” (even though you landed three feet from it was never talked about).

Even with this “help”, we only won one game. That is actually the only game that I missed all season…. kind of figures doesn’t it.

Going into the last week this is where we stood. Our boys couldn’t hit ANYTHING. Jordan became the king of walking… he is very small and could shrink his strike zone down to nothing. The boys felt like they were going to lose before the game ever started.

This week, we had our last two games. Tuesday night when we got the field the boys seemed a little different somehow. I can’t put my finger on it. It was the first time in forever that we had enough kids of our own to play. They got out onto the field and they didn’t stink. They fought hard, and when the game ended…. WE WON!

You would have thought that we had won the World’s Series. Kids were jumping up and down, parents had tears in their eyes. It was amazing to watch these little guys celebrate. We won by 1 run.

When we got to the field Thursday night for our last game, we knew that it was a tough team and that we really didn’t have a chance. When they took the field, the little guys kind of strutted. They were walking out onto that field as winners. They were catching balls, and actually hitting the ball. In the end, we lost by 2 runs…. but it didn’t matter to these guys because they won one… on their own.

I’m gonna miss this team, the kids and the parents. What we lacked in talent and wins, these kids made up for in heart. Some will say that I am biased, because my brother was the coach…. but he did an amazing job. I have watched him through the years as he worked with kids…. and I have always been amazed.

I just want to say thank you, to all of you that give your time to work with kids. You really do make a huge difference.

Rainy Weekend!

It is another rainy weekend! On one front, Jordan’s baseball games were cancelled so we had a few extra hours to run our errands. On the other front….. having run our errands and bought our groceries, we are broke again. I also paid bills today.

Katheryn performed last night in her schools spring musical. They did Beauty and the Beast. She played a villager last night, and tonight she gets to be a napkin. You have to love a play where you have to buy two costumes for your kid to be on stage a combined 20 minutes. She is loving it, and that is what matters most.

Meagan spent the night with a friend last night, and she had a blast. It is the first time in a long time that she has even asked to go, she is more of a home-body than Eric. When I tease her about it, she just smiles and says something like “like father like daughter”.

I am always amazed at how close Eric is with the children. When you merge a family, like our…. you always wonder.

I better go get dressed to go back to the theatre and cheer on my napkin!