A busy life is what we have. A life with 3 kids still living at home and 2 full time jobs. We have band and baseball and cheer leading. We have grocery shopping, homework and laundry. Life has a way of tiring me out and making me tense.
These last 5 months since my Grandfather’s death have been especially hard for me. I am not sure why. I loved him, of course… but over the last few years he had turned into someone that I didn’t recognize. He has been gone for a long time. Why do the smallest things stress me out these days? I’m not sure. I may never be sure.
This weekend has been wonderful. Eric and I have done much more than watch movies, buy groceries and just be together. I have really needed this.
Tomorrow is a bonus day. We are off, all of us. I am looking forward to one more day of just resting. I hope that puts me back on track for my life. Lately, I have trouble finding joy in anything. I am not saying that I am not happy… I am. My life is better than it has ever been. I am so in love with my husband, there are no words to explain. I am heartsick. I miss my Grandfather. I know that as time continues to pass, I will feel better. I will heal. Part of me though, is afraid of this. I don’t want to heal, healing means that you forget. I don’t want to forget him.
I guess that with Memorial Day weekend, I am using that time to focus and find my center. I hope that I get there soon, because I am tired of the pain.
May 25, 2009 at 8:19 am |
You’ll get there. We’ll get you there. I love you.