This past week, for me, has been a whirl wind of emotion. For a while now, I had been dreading our court date. Last Monday and Tuesday, all I could think about was running away. Not going. It isn’t that I had done anything wrong, I just always hate being in the same room with my ex-husband.
I have pondered why I feel that way. I lived with the man for 13 years. He was my friend. He was my attacker, he turned into my worst nightmare. I really think that sums up how I feel. He was a person that I trusted into my heart, my home and my life… he betrayed all those things. It is not that I think Jeff is a bad person….. I don’t. I know that somewhere inside him, is that boy that I once knew. The years were not kind to this man. Somewhere along the way, he developed and fostered a deep sense of anger. Anger at the world, anger at me… and this spawned a major paranoia and maybe even depression. This manifested itself in major amounts of anger and aggression. I hope that in our time apart, he has learned how to control this and is getting his life together.
When we went to court this week, one major cause of anxiety was that my 13 year old daughter was going to testify. She had decided that she didn’t want to have to see Jeff anymore, even for supervised visitation. Our attorney said that the best way to avoid that was to let her talk to the judge. I didn’t know how she would react to seeing him, or if she would even be brave enough to do it. As always, Kat was a picture of poise under pressure.
We did not bring this suit. Actually, I have not pressed the issue of him being $18,000. behind on child support. I was giving him time to get his life together. He sued me. He wanted to pay less child support. He didn’t mention that he hadn’t seen the kids in a 18 months. That fact hurt a little, I can’t say why.
I do want to explore that thought. I have struggled since Jeff almost killed me with the fact that one night ruined any chances he had at a “normal” relationship with the kids. That really bothered me. I know…. he is an abuser…. why should I care. Biology has always meant something to me. I always felt that a father should be with their kids. I stayed in a loveless marriage far too long because I believed that statement. I never believed for one second that Jeff would give up on his relationship with the kids. I felt like I would be forced for years to deal with him and his need to be a father…. even through supervised visits.
Back to now…..
When we got to court Wednesday, I got a surprise. My attorney, in an off the cuff gesture told his attorney that I would drop the back child support (and keep him out of jail) if he would agree to allow Eric (my husband) to adopt the children. Eric has become more of a father and role model to the kids in the last 2 years than Jeff was in 13. Through watching his bond with my children grow, I have learned that biology is a minor part of child rearing. Love, devotion and mutual respect means so much more. As I said, we didn’t expect Jeff to EVER agree to this… but it is what we have dreamed of.
His attorney went to present he offer to Jeff, and he came back within a few minutes and said that Jeff agreed.
I have never in my entire life been more shocked. I couldn’t believe that we were finally going to get to move forward as the family we have become. Our attorney drew up papers that day. Jeff has 10 days in which to change his mind (which means I will not publish this until after June 15).
After June 15, we will move forward with Eric’s adoption of the children. They sat down as a group of three and determined that they want to change their names to Beavers as a way to show honor to their new Father and our new family. Eric has been their Dad since the day we married, now he will have the opportunity to be their Father as well. I am so honored that this amazing guy….. my childhood friend, my teenage boyfriend… my soulmate wants to adopt these kids and help them grow into the adults that I know God wants them to be.
This last week has shown me all over again the strength, power and might of God. There were too many pieces of this puzzle for God to not be in charge of it.
Posted by Julie Beavers 
Posted by Julie Beavers 