A catch up post

Five years ago I was in the best shape of my adult life. I was 34 years old and had three kids…. And I can still say that I was in the best shape of my adult life. I was also completely out of control…. I had just gone through a terrible marriage and even more horrible divorce. I was a single mom in a dead end job, dating losers….. and MISERABLE!
I reached a turning point when I ran into an old friend from childhood and we fell in love. Love is good. We got married. I found my dream job (which once in, I realized was not really a dream job at all). Life was amazing…. My best friend and husband adopted my children and life was fun. I learned to hate my job and gained 65 pounds. Still, I love my husband and have an amazing life! I ditched the dream job… and decided that I also needed to ditch that extra weight!
I quit my job 7 weeks….. I thought that by now I would be bored out of my mind. I’m not. I have decided to take a year our of the rat race. I’m taking a year at home with my children. I’m taking a year at home to finish up my master’s degree. I’m taking a year at home to find myself, whoever that is. A year. That is so scary to me. The only other times in my life when I didn’t work was when Jordan was born and when we moved up north for a year. During these two experiments I was more unhappy than I have ever been in my whole life. For so long my whole work system seems to be dependent upon my job, and that just seems so wrong. I think that in life we have to evaluate what is working and what is not. My marriage during this time period was terrible…. I had a 13-year marriage that for lack of a better description…. Totally sucked.
7-weeks into my experiment of being at home I am finally taking a little bit of time to reflect and figure out how I feel. I am happy. I have lost over 10 pounds. I am learning how to cook. I have been reading for fun and completing my schoolwork on time. We are broke, totally and completely broke, but no one really seems to mind. In about a week that will go away, because I am school I am taking out a student loan that will help us get through. Part of me is really hoping that by the time this year is over we will be able to figure out a way that I won’t have to go back to work. Even saying that out loud (well, on paper) makes me feel so guilty. Why do I feel guilty? Eric works so hard. Eric is one of those special people that attack life full force every day. He believes that you have to give everything you do 100%, all the time. He never, ever cuts corners. I admire that. Sometimes I feel myself being lazy and trying to cut corners.
At the end of this year I will have my Masters degree in educational leadership. I will a ton of money that I owe back in student loans. I will have a child that will be a senior in high school and another that will be a freshman, and my baby will be going into 8th grade. Other than those “knowns” I have no idea.
Life is too short to spend it being miserable. I want to encourage everyone to stop and take a long hard look at where they are figure out what changes they need to make in order to be happy!

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